I love my new full time with benefits job--though I concede I am too busy and need to find a way to streamline my life.
I flew to NYC for the weekend to watch my daughter sing the lead role in Puccini's opera, Gianni Schicchi. It reminds me of the challenges of being a full time working mom whatever age/stage your children are at presently. I came across this article in the NY Times archives this evening:
Sequencers: Putting Careers on Hold
By SARA RIMER Published: September 23, 1988
The trapped housewife was replaced by superwoman, who somehow managed to rear her children while catapulting ahead in a career. Now, with legions of superwomen worn out and discontented, a new model has been suggested for married professional women: ''the sequencer.'' Some experts are already warning that the sequencer is just another doomed variation of women trying to do it all.
The sequencer establishes herself in a career, leaves to bring up her children and resumes work in a way that does not conflict with her role as a mother. She might become an entrepreneur or take a job again, perhaps part time at first. While she might be willing to forgo the fast track, she is committed to preserving her professional identity.
Arlene Rossen Cardozo, a mother of three from Minneapolis, coined the word in her book ''Sequencing'' (Atheneum, 1986), based on interviews with 350 professional women. Sequencing, she argues, ''combines the best of modern feminism with the best of traditional mothering.''
Articles in newspapers and magazines helped the term gain currency. At the Republican National Convention in August, plaques were awarded to four ''sequential mothers,'' including Joanne Kemp, the wife of Representative Jack Kemp, Republican of New York.
Something Catchy''We wanted to do something for professional women who are also mothers,'' said Bill Wead, a member of the family-issues coalition of Vice President Bush's Presidential campaign. ''It was something catchy.''
The nod to sequencing did not go as smoothly as some other convention efforts. It took three requests from reporters to get an explanation of what a sequential mother was. Mrs. Kemp, whose career was described by Mr. Wead as ''political wife and mother,'' did not seem to fit the description.
Marilyn Quayle, who was not one of those honored, comes closer. The wife of the Vice-Presidential candidate describes herself as ''an unemployed lawyer,'' who has spent the last 16 years rearing the couple's two children and advising her husband. She said she hoped to find a paying job after the campaign and, like many other female lawyers with children, she mentioned as her role model Associate Justice Sandra Day O'Connor of the United States Supreme Court.
Justice O'Connor, who is 58 years old, may be the ultimate sequencer. She took five years off from her law career to care for her three children. The professional hiatus did not set her back: she returned to full-time employment as Arizona's assistant attorney general. She has said she is glad to have spent the time at home.
Often, Lost GroundA more usual outcome for women who take time out from careers is a loss of professional ground. A lawyer might forfeit a chance at partnership; a manager might not be able to reclaim her old position.
Ms. Cardozo says the women she interviewed accept the trade-off. ''They are asking the question: 'Is being at the top of the heap at the expense of having a personal life worth it?' '' she said. ''The answer is 'No, we want something else.' ''
That conclusion led Amy Stewart Stillman to leave her job as vice president and general manager of a marketing consulting group in Stamford, Conn. Mrs. Stillman, 34, gave up a $50,000-a-year salary and 12-hour workdays when she had the first of her two children five years ago.
''Work was certainly the center of my life,'' said Mrs. Stillman, who lives in Rowayton, Conn. ''I always thought I'd arrange some child care and go right back. But then I started realizing that nothing I was doing was as important as raising my child.''
No Regrets About Decision
Like most sequencers, Mrs. Stillman was fortunate. Her husband, David, a partner in a New York City engineering consulting firm, earns more than double her old salary.
Her employer and her colleagues told her she was making a mistake. But Mrs. Stillman, whose children are 4 and 5, said she had no regrets. Like others in Ms. Cardozo's book, Mrs. Stillman said she did not feel trapped at home. She writes for small businesses, work she says she might expand into her own agency.
If she does start a business, she will be part of another, possibly related trend: according to the Small Business Administration, women are starting small businesses at twice the rate of men.
Five years ago, Mrs. Stillman said, she did not know anyone staying home with children. Now, she is forming a group called Mothers at Home More. A similar, national group, Formerly Employed Mothers at Loose Ends, was started a year ago in Elmhurst, Ill. Its 180 members include accountants, editors and market researchers.
Mrs. Stillman said three of her friends, including one whose first baby sitter of the day would arrive at 6 A.M., had recently left their jobs or cut back on their hours to spend more time with their children.
Dead of Exhaustion People who have studied women's issues support Ms. Cardozo's conclusion that superwoman ''is dead of stress, exhaustion and the belief that her career was cheating her out of forming and enjoying the most important relationships of her life.'' But some argue that the sequencer is an inadequate replacement that reflects the lack of social support for mothers who work. They also point out that it is only an option for married women who can do without their incomes.
Dr. Nancy Marshall, a research associate at the Wellesley College Center for Research on Women, said, ''The appeal of sequencing underscores the underlying dilemma that women face: How do we raise our children and earn our living?''
Dr. Marshall said the solutions lay in providing enough flexibility in the work place so that ''men and women can take time out with very young children and sick children, and in competent child care.''
Betty Friedan, the author of ''The Feminine Mystique'' and ''The Second Stage,'' said sequencing held ''a germ of truth'': ''that a woman shouldn't have to apologize for her priorities.'' But she said, ''It's a cop-out from really confronting the needs for real social innovations.''
Critical Help from EmployersThe women Ms. Cardozo interviewed included physicians, lawyers, accountants, pharmacists and television producers. Many said they had support from their employers. Merck & Company, a pharmaceutical company in Rahway, N.J., is considered a pioneer in providing such family-oriented benefits as child care and a parental leave program. Art Strohmer, executive director of human resources and staffing development, said the company had been hiring women who have taken time out with their children. With the number of people in the work force declining, he said, more companies would have to follow suit.
''We're certainly going to have to tap into that population just to fill jobs,'' Mr. Strohmer said. ''But from a total career standpoint, anyone has to realize the realities of a big hiatus in their career - that it is certainly going to slow it down.''
The weather here in Minnesota has finally taken a turn. It has been above 0 degrees for more than a day now. But it is still cloudy and slushy.
